Who's winning anyway?

So hello guys, how have you been doing? I hope everything is getting better - I pray for you. Well, I'm doing not so very well. Always uncertain - the matters of study, life and ... well majorly it is about my life. I just got back from Jengka for no reason; Like why did I even drive back home? I even questioned myself - I don't have the answer. I'm so confused now, life is confusing - That smiles, are they fake or real - That talks, are they fictitious or facto - That loves, well love is love it has never been certain, even that so called darling couple Romeo and Juliet suck in love life.

Back to the story,
So, why am I back here in Klang again? I don't know. I don't feel so good - I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed by life, wonder why? Well maybe it is because I have betrayed God for so many times, simple as that. So, I wish one day I would settle down and learn to love the fact that life is fucking uncertain. Many directions are attacking; I have to dodge and some hit me right on the face. Well when it hit me, surely I feel pain - And when I dodge, surely I would feel relief. But where's the win?

I'm not pointing my finger at anyone - I know it is always our own faults. Man, life is life and this is life and I have to live the life and search for a better life. Or I just sway. Well did you guys get what I mean? Well come on! Don't you feel me? Don't you get it? Hm, if no is your answer - Well, actually I'm sad, I am very very very sad - that's it, just. I need some enthusiastic, especially from..